Collection 100... Jokes

To start my research off, I found 100 ways in which jokes could be categorised for the first half I have included examples of this theme in a joke, this will help me start to think of a path I would like to go down.


*Caution* Although I have tried to keep the jokes clean, some jokes may offend...



1. American


Why is an astronaut like an American footballer?

They both like to make safe touchdowns.

2. Anecdotes


Michael Mcintyre: I’ve just celebrated my anniversary… 4 years married… 8 years together, you always have to add that, 8 years together… It’s going very well, hard to write the card though isn’t it, I mean it’s not that, I love her more than anything, at the beginning it’s very easy to write the card, y’know essays, big long pages of I love you more than anything… Every time I breathe I think of you, you make my life complete, you’re the love of my life, darling, darling, please turn over, I’m insane about you now, I’m falling in love for the millionth time… It gets different y’know, you have to come up with this shit every year. Last week I just wrote, I still love you, see last years card for full details.

3. Animal

Why does a tiger have stripes?
So it won’t be spotted.

4. Baby

A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

5. Bar

A man walks into a bar...Ouch.

6. Birthday

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

7. Blind

A blind man walks into a bar with a seeing-eye dog. When the blind man reaches the center of the bar, he snatches the dog up by his collar and starts swinging him around and around.
The bartender speaks up and says, "Hey what the hell are you doing?"
The blind man says, "Just taking a look around..."

8. Blonde

A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks into the forward cabin at the first-class seats. Since the first-class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach. The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York."

Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach. Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York."

The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde problem with the copilot. The copilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something in the blonde's ear. She immediately gets up, says "Thank you so much," hugs the copilot and rushes back to her seat in the coach section.


The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the copilot what he had said to the woman. He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to New York."

9. British

An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. 
It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be careful!" 
"It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's hundreds of them!"

10. Brunette

Why are there no brunette jokes?
Because blondes would have to think them up.

11. Bush

How do you know George W Bush is not planning on invading Iran?
Hmm....he might very well invade Iran, but there won't be any planning involved.

12. Business

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications he waited anxiously for the outcome.


The employer read all his applications & said, "We have an opening for people like you."


"Oh, great," the man said, "What is it?"


"It's called the door!".

13. Canadian

Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia?


The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back.

14. Car


A traffic cop pulled alongside a speeding car on the motorway. Glancing into the car, he was astounded to see that the young lady, who was driving, was knitting.


Realising that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the policeman wound down his window, turned on his loudspeaker and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'


'NO', the young lady yelled back, 'IT's A SCARF!'

15. Celebrity

Why did McCauley Culkin get married?

He was tired of being home alone.

16. Christmas

Did Rudolph go to a regular school?


No, he was ‘elf’- taught.

17. Classic

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

18. Clean

There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born.


The first nurse comes out and tells the first father, "Congratulations you're the father of twins!" He says, “Great! I am the manager for the Minnesota Twins.”


The second nurse comes out and tells the second father, "Congratulations you're the father of triplets”! He says, "That's cool! I work for 3M."


The third father opens the window and jumps out.


The third nurse comes out, and asks, “Where's the third father?"


One of the other fathers said, "Oh he jumped out the window.”

The nurse asks, "Why?"

He replied, "He works for Seven Up!"

19. Clinton

How many jokes are there about Bill Clinton?

One – the rest are true.

20. Coffee

Husband – Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.


Wife – That’s not surprising dear, it was just ground this morning.

21. Comedian

Peter Kay: I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

22. Computer

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

23. Crude


24. Death

A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.


"Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain.


"Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?"



25. Divorce

Sam meets Doug at the bar after his day at divorce court. "Did the judge split everything fairly when he granted your wife a divorce?" asked Doug.
Sam replies, "Sort of. She got to keep the house, the car, the boat, the furniture and the dog. I got to keep everything I was wearing."


26. Doctor


Doctor, Doctor, I can't get to sleep.

Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.

27. Driving

One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as
dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his
lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! I always go exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly! Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask . . . Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

28. Drug

I'm so rubbish at cocaine, I'm the only person who ever piles weight on.

29. Drunk


A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.
The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely--but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.
The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.
The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man! How many bars do you work at?"

30. Elephant


Why are Elephants wrinkly?
Have you ever tried to iron one?

31. Family (offensive)


Dad with his little girl in the garden, The girl asks "is that a mummy long-legs underneath that daddy long-legs?"dad says "No sweetie, there are no mummy long-legs, only daddy long-legs".

He feels very proud of his little girls inquisitive mind until she stamps on both of them and says,""We'll have none of that shit in our f*cking garden!"

32. Farm


What do you call a chicken wearing a shell suit?
An egg.

33. Football

After a visit to the doctor, Joe Bloggs, the city team's centre forward dropped in to his local pub for a quick one. "What's up mate?" asked his friend Brian, "you look worried."
"Yes, I am," Joe replied. "I've just been to the doctor's and he told me I can't play football."
"Oh, really?" said Brian. "He's seen you play too then, has he?"

34. Gay

35. Gender

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" and I said, "Dust!"

36. Golf

One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" The other replies: "GREAT trade!"

37. Heaven

One day at the entrance to heaven, St. Peter saw a New York street gang.walk up to the Pearly Gates. This being a first, St. Peter ran to God and said, "God,there are some evil, thieving New Yorkers at the Pearly Gates. What do I do?".God replied, "Just do what you normally do with that type. Re-direct them down to hell."St. Peter went back to carry out the order and all of a sudden he comes running back yelling "God, God, they're gone, they're gone!""Who, the New Yorkers?"."No, the Pearly Gates."

38. Height

Your so short, you can see your feet on your driving license.

39. Holiday

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a shopping centre on holiday. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?"
The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up.
They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out.
The father turned and grabbed his son, "Go get your mother."


40. Insult

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing as you've never used it.

41. Internet

My friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her elderly mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access the popular Ask Jeeves website, and we told her it could answer any question she had. Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom.
Think of something to ask it." As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"

42. Irish

Whats a 7 course meal for an Irishman?
A 6 pack and a potato.

43. Kids

Why did the kid start a gardening business?
Because he wanted to rake in some cash.


44. Knock, knock

Knock knock...
Who's there...
Scott...
Scott who?
Scott-nothing-to-do-with-you!

45. Lawyer

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
Their lips are moving.

46. Light bulb

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they'd rather leave their clients in the dark.

47. Little Johnny

Little Johnny's mother was working in the kitchen listening to him playing withhis new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said,"All of you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! And all of you dicks who are getting on, get your asses on the train now."
Alarmed and angry, the mother went in and told him "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, Johnny came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard him say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you.We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hopeyou will ride with us again soon."
She hears Little Johnny continue,"For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stowall of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember there is no smoking on the train.We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, Johnny added, "And for those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see that fat bitch in the kitchen."

48. Long

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”
The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”
The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.” Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.
After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word, ‘comfortable.’”
The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable?’”
The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. She’ll read it slow.”

49. Marriage

My wife told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.


50. Martin Luther King



51. Maths



52. Medical



53. Men



54. Michael Jackson



55. Microsoft



56. Military



57. Money



58. Mother-in-law



59. Music



60. Names



61. Naughty



62. Nerd



63. Non sequitur



64. Old people

65. One liner

66. Own experience

67. Parrot

68. Plumber

69. Police

70. Political

71. Pregnancy

72. Private

73. Professional

74. Question/Answer

75. Racist

76. Redneck

77. Relationship

78. Religious

79. Ridiculous

80. School

81. Scottish

82. Self-deprecating

83. Sex

84. Sexist

85. Shock

86. Short

87. Tasteless

88. Toilet humour

89. Topical wit

90. Travel

91. UFO

92. Vampire

93. War

94. Weird

95. Welsh

96. What do you call a…

97. What do you get if…

98. Winter

99. Witch

100. Women

101. Work

102. You know it’s a bad day…

103. You’re so…

104. Your Mum…


http://www.basicjokes.com/


http://www.ahajokes.com/


http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com/


http://www.lotsofjokes.com/

Visual Language...Timeline

In today’s session we were asked to create a timeline showing what our favourite TV programmes were, starting from how we were first introduced to it, until the present day, my chosen programme was Family Guy. The second timeline was to demonstrate how we were here (on the Graphics course at Leeds College of Art) today:

I had heard it mentioned in a conversation once.
My friend was telling me about a particular episode.
I watched it once and found it funny.
Begun to watch it more regularly.
My flat mate has every episode on DVD which I have mostly watched.

Studied Graphic Design at school.
Went to a Design and Marketing Agency for work experience.
Went on to do an A-Level in Graphics at John Leggott College.
Did a year Foundation Diploma in Art and Design.
Got accepted at Leeds College and started the course on 14/09/2009.

We were then asked to draw an image/symbol to represent each event, as I appear to have misplaced my sheet, I will type the image I had drawn:

Family Guy:
Speech bubble.
Star.
Laughing mouth.
‘Old school’ TV J
Stack of papers.

Graphics:
1. Poorly drawn perspective diagram.
2. Not sure but I think it was the Newmediachoice logo.
3. Square, triangle and circle.
4. Paint Splatter.
5. ‘X’ marks the spot.

Using these logos I joined up with Emma whos events were based on her favourite TV programme, At Home With The Braithwaites and the Graphic Design one, and we had to combine our symbols together and place them on to a timeline, this is in the possession of Richard or Ross, the next pair we joined up with. In that timeline, the four of us had to put all our events together to create another timeline, this one was separated into the TV programme timeline and the Graphic timeline. Visually, it was much more attractive than mine and Emma’s initial time line.

Collection 100...Rationale Re-written

BRIEF:

I intend to create a collection of jokes, that will make people smile/laugh.

WHO:

The jokes will be appropriate to 18 and above, but may not be suitable to those easily offended.

WHAT:

The jokes will be in different forms, for example, short 'stories', 'knock, knock' jokes etc.

WHY:

In the opinions I collected for Collection 100, there were more negative opinions than I expected, about the stress of Christmas and how unhappy people are about money etc. (which are backed up by some of the facts I found) a joke doesn't cost anything and can brighten someone's day. With today's economic climate, this negativity is felt throughout the year, not just at Christmas and they can work, even if it cheers a person up for a minute, that is one minute less that they have felt unhappy.

WHAT THEY WILL RESPOND TO:

The response should be quite interesting as it is in a format I have never encountered before, it will be a recording of 100 people telling 100 jokes, so the audience may not only respond to the joke itself but the way it is told.

RESEARCH:

Primary: I will need to look into what makes people laugh, short jokes or long jokes? Also what genre of jokes.

Secondary: I will need to look at the jokes already out there, in order to begin my collection.

I will look at joke books, websites, comedian DVDs etc.

To begin my research I need to look visually at how these publications are presented, I am more leaning towards a book, as book binding is something I will be learning soon, which I am really looking forward to.

I have looked at a variety of categories for the visuals, what I found is the rude ones tend to rebel against the traditional joke book design of wacky writing and imagery, and the rude ones tend to be quite serious looking in design and text only, apart from the one with the illustration of the female on.

A common colour that crops up in the colour scheme of these books is yellow, this could be due to the associations people have with yellow such as, happiness, however, in large doses it has been said to psychologically annoy people.

The style of text does vary from book to book depending on the target audience, however, the text, across the board, tends to be sans serif and quite bold, as joke books are generally very eye catching and vivid.

I have not looked into the insides of the books yet, as I need to begin to figure out how I can make this project original, as joke books are incredibly popular, and I wouldn't want to create 'just another joke book', a set of cards with jokes on could be an interesting method.

Collection 100...Ideas

When I got back after Christmas, I presented my research to a small group of people in my class which was Emma, Kirsty, Sarah and Christa. I had analysed my opinions and facts so it was easy to summarise my findings in the 2 minute presentation.

In the feedback the group felt I had covered a wide range of topics on Christmas, and a varied selection of facts.

In the main presentation to a larger group I was helped out an awful lot, as the topic Christmas in January seemed a little bit ‘old’, and I was desperate to move on but didn’t know where to start.

I came up with some and my peers gave me some starting points, at which the creative process could kick in…
- 100 Christmas Decorations
- 100 Christmas Crackers
- 100 Events
- 100 Christmas Number 1s
- 100 Christmas Films

After deciding to go with the decorations idea and attempting to look at 100 Baubles or 100 Crackers, physical visual research seemed to be impossible. At which point I took the crackers idea further and started thinking about 100 Jokes.

My original idea was to create some paper based publication of 100 jokes, for example a set of cards in a fold out presentation pack, or a box, or a traditional joke book. But before I started thinking about the end product I needed to begin some research.

Collection 100... Research

This part of the brief was to be completed over the Christmas period, with a 2 minute presentation of the findings on the 11th of January. I collected 100 opinions, 100 facts and 100 objects relating to Christmas.

OPINIONS:

1) In my opinion, Christmas is a time for family and eating as much food as you possibly can. (J. Finch)

2) Pointless waste of wages. (A. Day)

3) I love it, it’s Christmas, everyone should! (A. Gornall)

4) I think it’s brilliant for kids, it’s mostly aimed at them and they enjoy it the most; it’s also expensive. (B. Mckean)

5) I don’t hate it, but I don’t like it, it’s far too commercial, so much paper and packaging is wasted, and does more damage to the world than it’s worth, lots of heat and light energy wasted off lights, Christmas cards get binned, and kids do not appreciate what is about and people in general not being grateful for what you get its more expecting things than hoping you get something. That is my rant of why I don’t like Christmas. Oh and I don’t really like Christmas dinner J. (C. Jackson)

6) I love it because of my son, but hate it because I’m single hun. (C. Baker)

7) I love it like my mums a bit insane when it comes to Christmas, she’s the one that gets excited so the whole Christmassy family thing has always been something I’ve enjoyed. (D. Austwick)

8) To be honest, I love it, mainly meeting family! (D. Hodge)

9) As a rule I love it, but I think that is because I am a big kid at heart. I love the food, excitement, shopping, and especially sitting in the room with the christmas tree lights and fire on...all cosy ! I also love all the magic it brings for kids, Santa is a really big thing to those believers!! (J. Byrne)

10) It’s good, you get to see family that you dont get to see often and its just a good time of year! (G. Fisher)

11) I hate it. Too expensive. (K. Lee)

12) Christmas is well good, it’s good family time, if people make the effort, and it’s nice to see people’s faces on Christmas morning! (M. Bradley)

13) Christmas never feels the same as you get older. (R. Allman)

14) I enjoy it but it’s overrated, and too commercialised. (L. Rusiecki)

15) I do enjoy it, it’s great spending time with family but it is rather expensive.

16) The traffic is absolutely ridiculous in the lead up to Christmas, once I got stuck in a multi story for 2 and a half hours.

17) I dislike Christmas because people forget the meaning of it, but I like my family Christmas for that meaning. (R. Dance)

18) I love it, most people try to be happy, and it’s also a sad time, as a lot of people feel lonely. (T. Byrne)

19) Christmas is great for drinking, having a good time and spending time with family. (G. Stagg)

20) It’s quite expensive, and for families. (S. Wheatley)

21) It’s for the children. (D. Black)

22) I have chilled all Christmas! (R. Thompson)

23) I had a good one, and spent the New Year with my sister. (B. Mart)

24) I cracked my rib from coughing! (L. Thompson)

25) Ermm, well as a child Christmas is probably the best day of the year but as you grow up, I feel the build up is more exciting than the actual day. It’s pretty much the same thing every year but i do very much enjoy Christmas TV! (L. Clayton)

26) I like it because the whole family gets together, there’s lots of nice food and drink, I get presents, it’s especially nice when there is snow, like this year, I don’t really care that it’s over commercialised. (N. Morgan)

27) I have always loved Christmas but now I live away from home the build up is even more exciting! However, I am reminded of loved ones who are no longer with us. (G. Byrne)

28) I like Christmas. I don’t believe in Santa anymore but its fun because I can play with my toys.

29) Christmas is where I can play with my new toys all day and not have to go to bed early for school.

30) For my present Santa brought me a truck and a helicopter comes out of it, it’s really good.

31) I got my first computer for Christmas which is great and I also got a printer.

32) I liked it at Christmas because I could go sledging, as it doesn’t always snow at Christmas.

33) I used to love christmas when i was a kid. Now its just a pain in the backside... expensive, everyone expects presents ... have to spend forced time with the family so usually ends up being rubbish. Although, i do enjoy all the festive gatherings with old friends! ALSO the advertising starts far too fricking early. It should start late November/December, not September! I hate going into shops and them being filled with Christmas junk, it seems to be a money making scam these days. (J. Lee)

34) I don’t particularly like Christmas. Having divorced parent’s means I have to spend equal amounts of time with both, to avoid offending one of them. Therefore, I spend Christmas day driving around and sticking to a schedule. Hardly festive…
Also, the religious aspect of it is conspicuous. I dislike people who feel ‘above you because they went to Church on Christmas Eve/Day, despite not going the rest of the year.
Working in retail also means that Christmas starts around November so by the time Christmas day rolls around, you’ve had enough. You get sick of the sight of any decorations and resent Christmas altogether. (H. Walker)

35) Christmas is the best ever :)
It's one of my favorite times of year, time to chill out, spend time with family, eat wonderful food,open lovely presents and watch shite on tv!!
Its the way Christmas should be :) (C.Dibble)

36) I used to get up early in the morning, wake everyone up and open all my presents straight away and i still do, but im not as excited any more about it and I appreciate my presents more. (R. Doyle)

37) I love Christmas! I reckon I have put on about a stone in weight since, though. But other than that it's a good time to see family and friends from home. (R. Stoughton)

38) Christmas 2009 = More turkey than beyond belief... there was more this year than ever before. But because that has stuck in my head, probably is because christmas isnt about presents, its the simple things that you remember :) (R. Hughes)

39) Christmas is about family, friends and a good bottle of wine. (L. Barlow)

40) Christmas was more magical when I was younger because I believed in santa, now i see christmas as more of a family get together with loads of food! (C. Elliot)

41) The magic of Christmas vanishes when you get older and santa stops bringing you as many presents, but its nice to spend time with your family. (M. Khan)

42) It’s all about the Christmas dinner! (P. Brandreth)

43) I hate Christmas. 2 reasons: 1) I have worked in the hospitality industry the last decade, and I can honestly say there is nothing hospitable about the people who go out at Christmas, in short Christmas doth make wankers out of people. 2) Why should I have to buy presents for people to 'celebrate' an event that the vast majority of the population either a) don’t believe in or b) actually don’t know anything about, this is especially true when I am poor, makes it even more annoying. That said, it is a good excuse to get the family together, eat far too much and if you have small children in said family, it is a joy to watch their unjaded little faces light up on Christmas morning, shame that with age brings such cynicism. (M. Goose)

44) Christmas is a lot better when your a child, everything is more exciting and you dont have the hassle of doing the buying part as your parents do it for you. I love the atmosphere of christmas and the songs but its all got out of hand commercially, its now more about how much you spend. (J. Wilkinson)

45) Christmas rocks, but with such a long build up it needs to be like at least 3 days long.
No matter what it looks like the christmas tree always starts looking shit the day after christmas. (W. Duffy)

46) I don't like Christmas at all, it's a poor excuse to spend money on things people don't actually want. You're forced into buying something for someone you probably don't like but because they got you something you have buy them something back or you look cheap. Also, I don't get christmas cards, £3 for a bit of card that people mostly throw away. (S. Oxtoby)

47) When it comes to christmas I always really look forward to the holiday but find it hard to actually be excited for christmas itself- i didn't feel christmassy at all and I always leave work until the last minute now matter what I plan on doing before the holiday starts. (N. Hargrave)

48) Yeah I like christmas, I get to see people and family and I think everyone one needs the time off to just chillax, its great for the economy and its nice to get and give prezzies. I think that as atheism grows we can cast off the old religiony bits entirely and just keep it as nice festive fun time, it makes way too much money for the corporates to give it up. (M. Price)

49) Christmas is exciting and fun you get to see relatives and get excited about opening presents.­ I also love the build up of Christmas shopping and wrapping up the gifts for people, and visiting friends and family to say Merry Christmas, and it’s beautiful with all the lights, the novelty of it all with nicer things available in the shops. (W. Ip)

50) Christmas is good because I like to see my family but not my Mum, it’s a nice atmosphere. (L. Way)

51) I find it tiring accommodating for family, but it’s a great atmosphere when they are here. (M. Ip)

52) It is far too expensive. (L. Shepherdson)

53) I loved my Christmas, I was like a big kid, spent it with lots of family and ate way too much! (Y. Kazemi)

54) It is a festive and family time. (C. Ng)

55) I liked Christmas because I got an Xbox. (T. Jackson)

56) It’s joyful and for families to get together. (M. Ip)

57) Christmas is great, its lovely to see the kids faces in the morning when they open their presents. (M. Stewart)

58) I love singing Christmas carols around the village and volunteering at the soup kitchen. (B. Dova)

59) Christmas sucked. (B. Johnson)

60) I like being in the school nativity, and my Grandma and Grandad come to watch. (P. Dough)

61) My Mum always takes me to see Santa at the garden centre. (L. White)

62) I like waiting for Santa to come down my chimney. (M. Hunt)

63) Christmas is good because we get to watch Christmas films on TV. (B. Alan)

64) I like it because my wife dresses up as Mrs Claus!

65) It gets more expensive every year!

66) It’s better when it snows as I get more time off work.

67) We go abroad for Christmas every year; it’s much warmer and nice to see the family!

68) I get fed up writing Christmas cards; they get thrown away any how.

69) It can be very overwhelming, especially doing the shopping.

70) Cooking the Christmas dinner is always the most stressful part.

71) It’s very tiring, looking after the children, cooking the dinner and entertaining the guests.

72) There is always far too much food left over, we see turkey for weeks! Don’t even mention the chocolates.

73) I look forward to getting drunk at the work’s Christmas do.

74) It’s very costly, but I suppose it’s worth it in the end.

75) It has been the first Christmas for 4 years without a partner, so it was different and a little lonely.

76) This is the first Christmas in years I have enjoyed being single, it’s great!

77) I have been quite poorly these past few months and have felt weak, so it has been nice to be up and about.

78) It’s hard being a single mum with 2 boys, trying to afford everything, but it is worth it to see their faces on Christmas morning.

79) I am on benefits at the minute so I am quite skint.

80) Christmas is to do with celebrating something to do with God, but who nowadays believes in God?

81) Christmas is Jesus’s birthday, I think, but it is not the exact date.

82) I go everywhere at Christmas with mistletoe attached to my glasses!

83) It’s just the excitement, brings me back to my childhood.

84) I like seeing friends, and taking it easy and being comfortable.

85) I like to eat, drink and be merry.

86) I get to drink lots without being in trouble from the wife.

87) I used to love it when I was a kid, but I have been busy these past few years.

88) My mum is a rubbish cook, the meat is normally overcooked, the carrots have turned into a mash and she puts horseradish in the mash.

89) There’s always an argument at Christmas, and sometimes the turkey ends up on the wall.

90) I sometimes feel like I’m being pulled in all directions.

91) I love it. I spend lots of money on my husband and he cooks a fantastic dinner.

92) People get more stupid with their money at Christmas, they buy for the sake of buying.

93) I don’t get why people buy their pets Christmas cards and presents.

94) I stick to a set budget at Christmas so I don’t go stupid, so I can’t complain.

95) It’s Santa’s birthday.

96) Getting presents is not the be all and end all of it!

97) It doesn’t matter how much the gift costs, it’s the thought that counts.

98) I have got a magic key that Santa uses to get in my house because I don’t have a chimney.

99) Christmas is great. Simples.

100) I’m skint so it will not be as good this year, as long as I am with my family it should not matter.

The respondents varied in age and gender, it was quite a random sample, a lot of close friends and family were participants, and some were random people I do not know. The responses were collected through telephone conversation, text message, Facebook messaging and word of mouth.

There was a mixed response in the list of opinions, there are 3 clear categories they fit into; positive, negative and both. 22 fit into the negative category, the main themes that appear in these opinions are money, stress and commercialism. There are 22 that mentioned both positive and negative points in their opinion they too can be categorised, themes that occur for this group are, money, family, friends and age leaving, 56 positive answers. The topics of the positive comments were family, friends, age, food, drink, shopping, presents and events.

FACTS:

1) Christmas is traditionally the 25^th December.

2) It is a Christian holiday.

3) Christmas Eve is the 24^th December.

4) Boxing Day is the 26^th December.

5) Boxing Day is not an official holiday in the USA.

6) In Russia, they celebrate on the 7^th January.

7) Santa’s original outfit was green.

8) Holly is a traditional Christmas decoration.

9) The first Christmas card was produced in London in 1843.

10) The Royal Mail issues a special design of stamps at Christmas.

11) In the western cultures, almost all retail and businesses are closed on Christmas Day.

12) Some Christians attend Midnight Mass on the 24^th December.

13) Christmastide is a Christian season, and is the period from 25^th December until the 5^th January, also known as the 12 days of Christmas. (These dates do vary.)

14) The association of fir trees and Christianity come from about 1,000 years ago when St. Boniface cut down an oak tree as it was being worshipped by Pagans, in its place grew a fir tree, this was then thought of as a sign of Christianity.

15) It is thought that Santa Claus originates from the 4th Century as the Bishop of Myra, Saint Nicholas who was a very generous man especially to children. There were claims that he could perform miracles.

16) Holly is another symbol of Christianity, it was placed over doors to drive evil away, it is also thought that the sharp leaves represent the crown of thorns and the berries represents Christ's blood.

17) The poem "'Twas the Night Before Christmas", is also known as "A Visit From Saint Nicholas".

18) Turkey is a relatively new tradition, until the 50's it was seen as a luxury, but then freezers and fridges becoming easier to get hold of.

19) For every real Christmas tree cut down, 2-3 seedlings will be planted.

20) In the Netherlands, children leave out shoes in hope that Saint Nicholas will fill them with sweets.

21) The Queen's speech was aired on television for the first time in 1957, on the 25th December.

22) La Befana is the Santa equivalent in Italy, and is a kind old witch.

23) The original name of Jingle Bells is 'One Horse Open Sleigh'.

24) A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens was first published in 1843.

25) The four ghosts that visited Scrooge in A Christmas Carol were, Ghost of Christmas Past, Ghost of Christmas Present, Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come and Jacob Marley.

26) William Strickland introduced the first turkey to England.

27) Christmas comes from the Old English phrase, Christ's Mass.

28) The first artificial trees were made from goose feathers.

29) Santa's reindeer are called: Dasher, Prancer, Donner, Vixen, Blitzen, Rudolph, Comet, Cupid and Dancer.

29) In 2008, 28.2 million Christmas trees were purchased.

30) Do They Know It's Christmas Time, by Band Aid was the Christmas no. 1 in 1989.

31) There was a lot of controversy over the 2009 Christmas no.1, in the end Rage Against The Machine's stole the place in the charts with Killing In the Name.

32) The first British Christmas stamps were designed by children in 1966.

33) Dido, the singer was born on Christmas Day in 1971.

34) Annie Lennox was also born on Christmas Day in 1954.

35) The Christmas tree in Trafalagar Square is usually donated by Norway every year.

36) The Spice Girls had 3 Christmas number one's in a row.

37) Jehovah's witnesses are not allowed to celebrate Christmas (or birthdays or Easter!).

38) According to a Newsround poll, 44% of 7-11 year olds see Christmas as a celebration of the birth of Jesus.

39) From the same poll, although 79% said they were happy, 1 in 6 said they felt nervous, left-out and sad at Christmas.

40) A study reported from The Guardian in 2008 showed the 8th January is them ost busiest time for divorce lawyers.

41) Mental health charity, Mind, did a poll, 116 people took part, and over 50% felt that they had spent a lot more than they could afford on Christmas.

42) The survey also showed 25% were feeling depressed.

43) The most up to date figures available from the Church of England are from 2006 and have showed an increase in Church attendance of Christmas.

44) A survey carried out for Theos in Novemeber 2007 showed only 12% of 1000 people knew the Christmas story correctly.

45) Between the 15th and 19th century it was common for the Thames to freeze over in the winter and people would go down to the river for "Frost Fairs" as a form of entertainment.

46) The last frost fair was 1814 and lasted for four days.

47) Comedian actor, Charlie Chaplin, died on Christmas day in 1977.

48) Since the 1980's, in Canada and the United States, there have been occasions where people refer to Christmas trees as "Holiday trees" mainly for religious reasons, which has caused a lot of controversy.

49) The number of people using loan sharks at Christmas has risen by 22% in the past 3 years.

50) In Ukraine, they believe if there is a spider's web in the house on Christmas morning, it is said to bring good luck.

51) Poinsettias are traditional plants of Christmas, from Mexico which they call "Buena Noche" which means Christmas Eve.

52) Nadolig Llawen is Merry Christmas in Welsh.

53) Away In A Manger was first published in 1885.

54) Advent is the period leading up to Christmas, meaning "the coming" (of Christ) in Latin.

55) The Nutcracker is the most fmaous Christmas ballet.

56) If a person were to receive every gift from the Twelve Days of Christmas, they would receive 364.

57) In 1856, president Franklin Pierce was the first to decorate a Christmas Tree in the White House.

58) In medieval times, "Hot Cockles" was a popular game played at Christmas.

59) Red and white candy canes started off as straight white sticks of candy, it wasn't until later on that they were bent around the top like a shepherd's hook.

60) Christmas trees can be eaten and are a good source of Vitamin C.

61) Famous card company, Hallmark, brought their first Christmas cards out in 1915.

62) It is believed that eating a mince pie on everyday of the 12 days of Christmas is meant to bring 12 years of good luck.

63) Eating mince pies dates back to around the 16th century.

64) In Guatemala, adults do not give and receive their gifts until New Years Day.

65) In Britain, when making the Christmas pudding, it is believed that if you stir the ingredients in a clockwise direction only and make a wish, it will come true.

66) According to the British Turkey website, 10 million turkeys were consumed in Christmas 2008.

67) In the same year, approximately 250 million pints of beer and 35 million bottles of wine were drunk at Christmas.

68) "Stille Nacht" or Silent Night was written in 1818 in Austria.

69) In the Christmas song, "The Twelve Days of Christmas" the partridge in a pear tree is seen to some to represent Christ.

70) Singing carols at Christmas is a very old tradition, 1521, is when the first collection was published.

71) In World War One, on the first Christmas of this period, fighting stopped for a day.

72) In the US, there is approximately over 21,000 people who grow Christmas trees.

73) Saint Nicholas was shown as wearing bishop's closed unlike today's Santa.

74) The American Santa is said to live in the North Pole.

75) Father Christmas is said to live in Finland.

76) According to the legend, Santa makes a list throughout the year of which children have been good or bad.

77) In the US, it is tradition for a Santa to visit department stores.

78) Goose used to be a popular meat to eat at Christmas time.

79) Assuming he travels east to west, Santa has 31 hours to make his visits around the world.

80) Merry Christmas is sometimes changed to Happy Christmas, as Merry is associated with alcohol.

81) Alabama was the first state to make Christmas an official, legal holiday.

82) Clark Moore, a poet, named Santa's reindeer.

83) Some myths say if a woman stands beneath some mistletoe but does not receive a kiss, she will not get married the following year.

84) Jingle Bells was originally created for Thanksgiving.

85) Christmas is the world's biggest commercial and religious celebration.

86) Since the 80's, Raymond Briggs's 'The Snowman' has been played every year at Christmas.

87) The Snowman was voted 4th place in UK Gold's Greatest TV Moments.

88) It is often thought Aled Jones sang the Walking In The Air on the film, this is incorrect and it was sung by Peter Auty.

89) Wallace and Gromit: A Close Shave was released on the 24th December, 1995.

90) Other countries receive televised Royal Messages at Christmas from their Kings/Queens.

91) 2008 was the first time the Queen's speech was delivered in HD.

92) King George VI last Royal Message was 1951.

93) Greetings cards are much less traditional nowadays, and the selection of cards seems to increase each year.

94) People in Belgium eat Cougnou, a bread, which is said to be in the shape of the baby Jesus.

95) People with not a lot of money in Brazil will eat chicken and rice, with beer or coke at Christmas.

96) According to statistics the suicide rate goes up in January.

97) For it to be a white Christmas in the UK, one snowflake must fall on the weather centre within 24hours of 25th December.

98) There is an old wives tale which says that if bread is baked on Christmas Eve, it will never go mouldy.

99) Christmas Pudding was originally a thick soup.

100) Frumenty is an old Celtic dish where Christmas pudding originates from.

Some of the statistics I found were from this site, which had some truthful, yet quite sad information on showing a lot of Britain is scared of Christmas, which is a feeling shared by children too. http://www.eauk.org/resources/info/statistics/christmas-quotes-surveys-and-statistics.cfm

OBJECTS:

These objects were collected over the Christmas period, some from previous Christmasses, i.e. decorations, and some were new, some were given to me, some I collected myself. I tried to collect all very different items to create variation, but found it very hard to collect 100, and so some objects may seem quite general.

1) Tinsel

2) Bauble

3) Tree decoration (present)

4) Santa hat

5) Christmas mug

6) Cracker toy

7) Christmas Cracker given to me by my Mum

8) Tape measure - common Christmas cracker gift

9) Joke from Christmas Cracker

10) Answers from LCA Christmas Quiz

11) Answer sheet from Christmas Family Fortunes game

12) Christmas penguin

13) Wine cork

14) Beer bottle

15) Wine bottle

16) Pringles tube

17) Roses chocolate

18) Miniature Heroes chocolate

19) Ferrero Rocher

20) Minature Heroes tin

21) Quality Street wrapper

22) Selection box packaging

23) Christmas packaging from a gift

24) Christmas Thorntons packaging

25) Beer mat

26) Christmas serviette

27) Handmade Christmas card

28) Charity Christmas card

29) "Daughter" Christmas card

30) Glittery Christmas card

31) Envelope- from Christmas card through the post

32) Envelope with silver hand writing from my Auntie

33) Sparkly hair accessory bought for a Christmas performance

34) Father Ted Christmas special DVD

35) Paul Smith perfume given to me by my late Step-brother

36) Money envelope from my Dad

37) Gift card from my Dad

38) Party popper

39) Christmas magazine

40) Christmas catalogue

41) Christmas shop sign

42) Shop sale sign

43) WHSmith gift card

44) Christmas box

45) Place card

46) Badge

PHOTOS OF OBJECTS:

1) Christmas Tree - Leeds

2) Christmas Tree - Home

3) Bauble on tree

4) Lights on mantlepiece

5) Rudolph teddy

6) Snowman ornament

7) Snowman

8) Snow in the country fields - Dragonby

9) Snow on the road/trees

10) Close up of snow on conifer leaves

11) Footprints in the snow

12) Snow falling at night

13) Sleeping Grandad

14) Grandma and Grandad opening presents

15) Presents

16) New Years eve party

17) January Sale - H Samuel

18) Christmas lights - Scunthorpe

19) Clear winter sunset at Scunthorpe Crematorium on Christmas Day

20) Wine glasses

21) Dinner table on Christmas Day

22) Table decorations

23) Christnas ornament

24) Duck Hamley's teddy - gift from a close friend

25) Icicles

26)

Images, facts and objects to be updated...

After I had presented this collection of research to a small peer group and then a larger crit group, I had been given, and come up with my self some ideas of where to take this next. For example:

- 100 Decorations - suggested by Amber

-100 Events/Festivals - suggested by Rob

- 100 Christmas No. 1s

- 100 Christmas Films

- 100 Christmas Facts

I then decided it might be ideal to take the 100 decorations or festivals forward, Amber had suggested maybe collecting 100 Baubles or 100 Christmas Crackers, at the time this sounded okay, after a weekend of unsuccessful visual information gathering, I decided Christmas is not a topic that is going to be easy to work with now, and taking from the idea of Christmas Crackers and the gifts and jokes included in them, I could look at jokes.